I think Andrew and I got back together...Not sure. He loves me, he keeps talking about the future and what we are going to do but he changed once his family made it clear they were dead set against it. He asked me to come see him at work tonight and that his family would come around after a few months.
They say I am abusive and that abusive people never change. I contend that I may have DONE something abusive, but it's not like he was completely innocent either. FURTHERMORE, it is quite possible to do uncheracteristic things in the midst of an emotional breakdown. I don't make a habit of hitting people I am in a relationship with, as a matter of fact, that's the first time I have ever hit anyone I was in a relationship with. I have hit three people in my entire life and they were extreme situations. I am not and "abusive personality". Anyone who knows me should know that. They said they knew me.
I should email my grandma.
I am so tired of this shit....I just want a normal life with the man I love. I know I did something to fuck it up and I need to make up for that, but I don't want to end up spending the rest of my life acknowledging to anyone that has ever existed that I am a piece of shit.
Y'know, they were all there for all of it. Two miscarriages in 6 months, car wreck, lost license, marriage, moving, serious illness. All this in the span of about 9 months. Show me someone who doesn't go a little insane. I am so hurt by them. I should have known that I would never get the unconditional love of a family. No one can replace my family. It leaves such a big hole in my heart that I feel like my heart is going to cave in on itself.
Sometimes, I think that if God is really merciful, he will put me to sleep and never make me wake up.

Current Mood: depressed

I have a livejournal now!!! I am awesome!! All shall not care at all!! YAy